Today i start my blog. cant help but think 'why would anyone want to read about my boring life'. but thats why im starting this. ive gotten boring. dull in fact, and im the only one to blame.
Dont get me wrong, i have an amazing husband and a pretty good life. but somehow along the way ive lost me. i became an army wife and since then ive always been about what my husband needs. hes always telling me to think about myself but thats the problem, ive always been taught to think about others needs before mine. so thats my downfall. i rely on others too much, and not myself.
2011 was a mess of a year to say the least. husband is deployed late 2010 and so it began. 2011 started off great, i had a new years resolution, i was committed to my studies, i was letting go of the past and i was finally looking forward and focusing on myself. i was on my way to 'happy'. the countdown to march was on, lose 5 kilos by the time i saw hubby mid-deployment in holland and have a wonderful two weeks relaxing.
that all went to plan. got home from holland and spent the next week sorting out my body clock again. the following tuesday morning i get the phone call. my aunty who became like a mum to me after my own mum passed away, had died in the middle of the night. to be honest, im not sure what happened the rest of that day, all i know is that i was on my way home to be with family. flew all night, and drove most of the early morning to get there. until after the funeral is a bit of a blur. i can remember not being able to fathem how this all happened. she had been in and out of hospital for at least 6 months beforehand but no one ever thought it would end up like this. she was meant to get better...
day after my aunties funeral was my mums fourth anniversary of her death. not a good week at all. that night i got a phone call from the army telling me my husband who had had a minor virus all week had suddenly become very sick, and they were doing the best they could for him. words do not describe how much it hurts that you cant be there for the love of your life when hes fighting for his own life. so i waited for phone calls and updates and finally he was out of the woods and on the road to recovery. 3 more months to go and i would have him in my arms, just 3 more months...
i still cant look at photos of my aunty, and probably not for a while longer. words dont describe how it feels to lose your mother. then to lose the other person you considered a mother is a whole world of hurt. i have not been able to understand how two beautiful people whome i loved so so much could be gone so quickly. in a way i felt my security blanket had disapeared and i was left standing in the cold.
so with that i lost any motivation i had for ANYTHING. almost like i was living in a bubble, not being able to relate to anyone or see a way out of this rut i was in. thats when i got boring, thats when i almost gave up.
But thats going to change. There comes a day when you get sick of it, sick of living like a zombie and craving life again. I couldnt be dull anymore. so thats where this blog comes in. im blogging my journey from 'dull to dashing'. It will include things that happen in my life that i consider interesting, my weight loss journey with weight watchers to becoming a happier healthier person and my journey back from 'loss'.
hope i havent bored you hehe
stay tuned!
T xx
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